Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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