I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
