that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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