she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
