Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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