Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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