Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
3 2 1 whiskey
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
