come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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