I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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