if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
