I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
