The maid of honor just puked.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
