Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
