Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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