Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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