when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
