you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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