I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
