Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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