Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
