i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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