my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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