theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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