you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
