the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
