I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
