Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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