if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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