my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
