Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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