I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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