A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
