the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
