She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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