two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
