office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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