So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
