Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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