bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
