I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize