imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
