After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
