when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
