I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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