I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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