My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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