Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
