I just made out with a guy for $7.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
