I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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