i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
