I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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