Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
