I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
