Your face is a jimmy john
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
