apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
