yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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