i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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