My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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