Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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