Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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