i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
operation harelip BJ is a go
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
