Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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