Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
