the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
