I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
